After 12 years of endless waiting, I thought that my first ever positive pregnancy test meant that my waiting was finally over. Finding out at the end of January was a great way to start the new year, until it was over as quickly as it began.

The shock of a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage that occurs within 5-6 weeks) took a little time to process, especially because I always assumed that my years of waiting was suffering enough. Surely God wouldn’t allow this to be part of my story too…

So when I received my second positive pregnancy test two months later, I was in awe of the faithfulness of God. “God really opened my womb.” The first test wasn’t just an isolated incident, God had really done it! A decade of prayers answered in another big fat positive, and I could tell that this yes was different. The test lines were brighter, bolder, and surer in comparison to the faint lines I received on my first positive pregnancy test.

This was it.

After sharing the news of our pregnancy immediately with close family and friends the first time, my husband and I decide to keep the news to ourselves a little longer. But I feel prompted to testify during my church service a few days later and share the news anyway. (So much for keeping this to ourselves right?) The news is out (sort of) and the well wishes are pouring in. This is it!

Fourth week of pregnancy.

The following week I experience minor bleeding (not this again) and schedule an appointment with my doctor. The ultrasound detects not one but two pregnancies; one in the uterus and one outside of the uterus. Surgery is scheduled.

Fifth week of pregnancy.

During the surgery it is discovered that I don’t have an ectopic pregnancy but a cyst in my fallopian tube. (Praise God!) To my relief, the surgery doesn’t interfere with the pregnancy in utero and I’m off to recovery.

Sixth week of pregnancy.

Post-surgery, the follow up ultrasound still doesn’t show a fetal pole (the first visible sign of an embryo). At this point in gestation, no fetal pole means there’s a possibility that this pregnancy could result in a miscarriage. My doctor runs bloodwork to check that my HCG levels are increasing. They are. (Praise God!)

Seventh week of pregnancy.

Still recovering, I slowly transition back to work and resume normal activities, finally taking a moment to reflect on what has happened the past few weeks. I’m thankful to be on the other side and hopeful for my upcoming appointment. (Prayers up!)

Eighth week of pregnancy.

The most eventful month ever is almost to an end and I’m ready to get back to life as usual. The week is over and it’s only a few days before the appointment that changes everything. Then the bleeding (that never stopped by the way) picks up significantly. We’re off to the ER and an ultrasound no longer detects a pregnancy in my uterus.

Ninth week of pregnancy.

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I expected the outcome of my second pregnancy to be different because we testified of God’s goodness and shared the news of the wondrous things He had done. Surely God wouldn’t let His glory fall. Surely He wouldn’t allow our hope to be put to shame.

Surely…

After learning of my miscarriage, my first instinct was to retreat and shrink back, to hide behind the curtain of time and let it do what it does. Then I realized the error in thinking that I can only testify of good things and not a good God.

The same God that is good on the mountaintop is also good in the valley. The same God that is worthy of praise in the land flowing with milk and honey is also worthy in the wilderness.

I prayed for the Lord to speak to me, to clue me in on what He was doing, as anyone would do after such an event. I waited to encounter Him in a download or a dream, in a message catered specifically to me, and I did…

Moses had expectations. He wouldn’t have guessed that deliverance would require more suffering. He didn’t think that the promise would mean more disappointment. After 400 years of slavery, things should be getting better. Why would God allow more pain to come upon His people?

It would have been more convenient for God to deliver the Israelites on the very first day Moses and Aaron approached Pharaoh. It would have been more comfortable if Pharaoh didn’t harden his heart 10 times before the Israelites were let go. But that’s just not the way God does things. God takes us the long way because there are no shortcuts to destiny.

For instance, Jesus could have showed up the very next day after He received news that Lazarus was sick. However, His plan wasn’t to display His glory by simply healing the sick but resurrecting the dead. But long before God brought the dead to life, He brought life to a dead womb. The womb that gave birth to a nation. The same nation God would deliver from the hands of the Egyptians centuries later.

Although we catch Moses a little disillusioned in Exodus 5, the tape didn’t start rolling once he showed up. God had a plan in motion long before Moses had a concern. God wasn’t done, Moses just needed to keep watching…

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In all the years of praying for the Lord to open my womb, I also prayed for healthy pregnancies and full-term deliveries. Praying to protect myself against unfortunate events that happen to 1 in 4 pregnant women. But if God didn’t put a cap on Job’s suffering, why should I restrict the glory He has predestined to receive from my life?

I didn’t expect to experience more disappointment so very close to the promised land. I also assumed it would be smooth sailing once the deliverer stepped on the scene. But where I wanted to say “enough is enough,” God said “I’m more than enough!”

He is enough to keep me in my disappointment and comfort me in my suffering. He doesn’t shrink back from the hard parts of my story, instead, His glory shines brighter in the darkness. Therefore, I won’t let shame have the final say! This isn’t the end of the story, the tape is still rolling.

Keep watching…

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A new year usually arrives with a sense of momentum: renewed dedication to unfinished goals and fresh hope for what’s to come. But 2025 felt more like a pause than a progression. New characters were unlocked, unexpected themes emerged, and conflicts concluded entirely within the boundaries of this one isolated episode. And now, instead of going forward with this new plot, I get a strong sense that 2026 is going to pick up directly where 2024 left off.

A similar pattern can be found in the account of one of my favorite biblical characters, Joseph. His story begins in Genesis 37, only to be interrupted by what seems like a filler episode of its own. The story resumes in Chapter 39 and continues through the end of Genesis, concluding in Chapter 50. At first glance, it seems odd that nestled right in the middle of Joseph’s narrative is the story of Judah and his twice-widowed daughter-in-law, Tamar. But with a closer look, you realize that there’s more to this story within a story.

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The Main Story

The Bible is filled with countless stories I’ve enjoyed reading since I was a kid, stories following the lives of Joseph, David, Daniel, and so many others. But if we’re not careful, we can focus so much on each character’s unique experiences that we miss the main plot, the single thread that ties them all together.

The same is true of our own lives. We can become so absorbed in what’s unfolding in our personal stories that we forget we’re only a subplot within a much bigger story, one that begins and ends with a Father’s love.

The Gap Year

God flipped the script and added a filler episode to my life, one I like to call The Gap Year. When He pressed pause, I finally sat with the disappointment of my choices and the regret of how poorly I had managed what God entrusted to me, things that, in the past, were easily clouded by busyness. I saw more clearly the contrast between human frailty and His sovereignty. And in the midst of it all, I witnessed His faithful Hand at work, moving in and through my life, in spite of me.

Judah experienced his own pause in Genesis 38. After instigating the sale of his brother Joseph into slavery, it’s not surprising that he would also dishonor his daughter-in-law Tamar just one chapter later. However, by the end of the chapter, Judah acknowledges his failures and repents, a turning point that shapes the generations to follow. Threaded through the entire account is God’s unwavering commitment to the promise He made in Genesis 12, a promise He continues to fulfill today.

A gap year wasn’t on my bingo card for 2025, but it turned out to be exactly what the doctor ordered. I needed to slow down so I could catch up to the story God is writing in my life, one that is far more beautiful than anything I could write on my own. In this story God is not just a guest star but the main character, and His love, goodness, and faithfulness take center stage.

I’m the type of girl that doesn’t need a reason to enjoy a delicious cake, but the best thing about cakes aren’t how wonderful they look or how tall they stand. If the cake isn’t as delectable as it is desirable, it’s a major fail.

The good news is that cake doesn’t appear out of thin air, and the bad news is that cake doesn’t appear out of thin air. Before a slice of cake lands on our plates and ultimately in our bellies, it has to be prepared. You need the recipe, the ingredients, the cookware, and of course heat—the process that brings it all to life.

As a self-proclaimed visionary, I thrive on generating new ideas and immersing myself in the creative process. My kryptonite, however, is getting stuck on the small stuff. If I were baking, let’s just say I’d spend more time perfecting the recipe that I never get around to baking the cake. In other words, I often lose sight of the bigger picture trying to get the details just right…

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But how many opportunities have I missed in pursuit of wanting everything just right? Some of my best results, whether a hairstyle or something more profound, came when I wasn’t trying so hard. For a moment, I wiggled free from the chains of comparison, to discover my own kind of wonderful. That is, until I find myself pursuing Mr. Just Right again.

Life is much like baking a cake, and a good cake requires a good recipe. Although there are different kinds of cakes that call for different ingredients, when it comes to life, there’s only one ingredient we need.

I’ve been getting it wrong for a long time, and maybe I’m not the only one! At first glance, it seems that the only way to break free from perfection paralysis is to sacrifice quality, but if love is the main ingredient, nothing I produce can ever be half-baked.

Getting unstuck begins with me getting back to the why. Every so often, I need to be reminded of Who I’m truly doing this for. If my efforts are driven by acquiring perishable crowns1, then their absence will push me to strive for what can never remain. However, the quality of what I create is measured by love, not likes.

When love is the measure, I am free to create work that endures, not because it is fueled by fame and fortune, but because it has been proven by fire.2

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I can’t recall how often I’ve shared this exact sentiment in the past. Until recently, I wouldn’t have thought any differently, because isn’t striving to be like Christ also striving to be perfect just like him?1 The short answer is no.

But doesn’t the bible literally say we must be perfect?

Most people would define perfect as being without flaw or error; so because Jesus is perfect in every sense of the word, we’re not prompted to think otherwise. However, if we take a look at the Greek word used for perfect, teleios, we get a broader understanding.

Teleios

1. brought to its end, finished

2. wanting nothing necessary to completeness

3. perfect

In other words, to be perfect in this context means to be complete, fully grown, or mature. When we apply this understanding to Matthew 5:48, we see a calling to maturity and completeness, not necessarily flawlessness.2

Some might shrug this off as a mild case of semanticitis. Nevertheless, it is much deeper than it seems, no matter how thin one would say the line is between striving for perfection and being perfected.

Human Beings vs Human Doings

I watched a podcast recently where the guest shared that we are human beings and not human doings. As a recovering human doing, I know all too well the heaviness of perfectionism and the relief of having it lifted from my shoulders.

For many years I defined myself by what I was able to do and how well I was able to do it. As a believer this meant a slippery slope to pride and self-righteousness. I didn’t understand the fullness of God’s grace and how important it was in shaping not only how I lived my life but my relationship with Him. My constant striving kept up the veil that Jesus so graciously tore down. Only when I realized how worthless my striving was, and that in spite of my imperfection I was invited into the Holy of Holies, was I able to break free from the burden of works-based faith.

I shared about this revelation on a Facebook post and didn’t realize how new-age it sounded until I read it at face value. I knew what I meant, but on the surface, it seemed like another attempt at stripping Christians of their holiness...

Don’t just try to be, be.

When I was younger, maybe in middle or high school, my mom was anticipating my future success and suggested that I get a custom license plate that was abbreviated to show “don’t just try to be, be.” Translation: a person shouldn’t try to be, because trying means failure is an option. (Sidebar: This has always been amusing to me because even if I did fit this in abbreviated form, who would understand it? A simplified version would have been ‘no pln b.’)

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Although my mom was referring to academic and professional success at the time, this sentiment holds true for me today in a different way. I don’t have to try to be what I already am — perfect, holy, redeemed, and loved, I can simply be.

So, are Christians called to be perfect? Yes.
Should Christians strive to be perfect? No.

Because you don’t have to strive to be something you already are. Still think this is a case of semanticitis? 😏 Today, I have an even fuller understanding than I did a few days ago. God doesn’t want a perfection that is cultivated outside of what He has already done for me.

Therefore, the difference between a human being and a human doing is rest. Jesus didn’t abolish the law, He fulfilled it, releasing us from the burden of perfection we couldn’t attain on our own. So, no! Christians were not freed from God’s standard of perfection and holiness. We were freed from the shackles of sin, and stand justified before God as Saints by faith alone, empowered to live righteously with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Before Christ’s sacrifice, God’s people had to do so they could be, now we get to be so we may do. Repeat this after me: Because I am, I can!

Doesn’t it feel great to be a human being?

bus•y
/ˈbizē/

engaged in action, occupied

When we look at the definition, being busy means that we’re engaged in an activity. Therefore, busyness isn’t limited to professional work or labor, you can also be busy doing absolutely nothing. (Guilty!) Simply put, the issue wasn’t about being busy, like I previously thought, but what I was busy doing.

No matter who we are or what side of the planet we live on, every living creature is gifted with the same 24 hours a day. The only difference is how we choose to spend our time on earth. So if we’re not busy doing good, we are busy doing the opposite. There is no in-between! 🙅‍♀️

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If there is one person that can teach us a thing or two about being booked and busy—it’s Jesus. He was teaching, serving, performing miracles, and somehow managed to keep Himself alive and functioning. However, despite His busyness, He often made time to go away with His Father to pray.

Yet He frequently withdrew to the wilderness to pray. - Luke 5:16 BSB

After bidding them farewell, He went up on the mountain to pray. - Mark 6:46 BSB

Jesus provides the perfect template on how to navigate a busy world. So here are a few nuggets that we glean by following His example:

1. Valid busyness is not a valid excuse.

Jesus knew that fulfilling His Father’s will didn’t come at the expense of His time in solitude and prayer. If God wrapped in human flesh prioritized going away, how much more should we recognize the necessity of spending time with our Father?

2. You need the Father more than the world needs you.

There’s an unknown quote that says, “the will of God involves me, but does not revolve around me.” For this reason, it is important that we are led [in all things] by the Holy Spirit and not human need. Nevertheless, this isn’t a formula. We must always seek to do good unto others when it is within our ability to do so.1

3. Prioritize the greater thing.

Our decisions aren’t always a matter of choosing between good and evil, (if only it were that easy), but choosing between two good decisions. A valuable tip I gleaned from Jackie Hill Perry offers a profound way of deciding between two good choices—determine which decision would honor God most.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord replied, “you are worried and upset about many things. But only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, and it will not be taken away from her.” - Luke 10:41-42 BSB

Mary had chosen to be present with Jesus while Martha was busy being a good host. In her shortsightedness, Martha focused more on serving her guests than sitting at the feet of Jesus, something that many of us may often do. But Jesus extended an invitation to her that He’s also extending to us today.

Are we willing to make room in our busy schedules for the divine moments disguised as mere interruptions? Will we slow down enough to acknowledge those reaching out to us amidst the hustle and bustle of heading to our next destination?2 Will we be so intentional that no matter how booked our calendars are, we’re never too busy…

Selah.

“Get married, have a baby, face hard times,” (insert blank)

I’ve heard sentiments like these for years, and after coming across an Instagram reel reiterating the like, I decided to reflect on my own experiences and realizations about friendship…

For me, it all started with Disney Channel. Well to be honest, it probably started long before then, but the television shows and movies I watched as a kid determined that having a BFF wasn’t optional, it was mandatory. This concept became the prototype of what I expected all friendships to look like.

If your experience was anything like mine, you grew up with the impression that a ‘BFF’ was the championship title and you were Muhammad Ali. If you were fortunate, you snatched up your bestie early, even locking in a lifelong friendship. If not, you found yourself transitioning from childhood to adulthood with a BOLO out for a BFF.

And on the lookout I went with my binoculars in hand. I did everything I reasonably could, from praying to showing myself friendly, except change the core of who I was; after all, I wasn’t that desperate. 👀 But anytime I stumbled upon a potential bestie, the Heavens would open and I’d think to myself “could this be the one?”

Somewhere along the way, I picked up this idea that being just a friend wasn’t good enough. I needed the world to know that someone chose to distinguish me with a gold star; to prove that I was the friend of all friends, the crème de la crème, numero uno. Until it finally dawned on me that I was searching for something I didn’t need to find…

So what was I looking for? I wasn’t looking for a friend, I had those. I wasn’t looking for someone to hang out with or talk to everyday, an occasional meet up filled my cup just fine. What I really needed was perspective, and I found it once I decided to forfeit my claim on a BFF championship title. Don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t against having a best friend, but did I really need a bestie badge to validate me?

Once I acknowledged that I was defining my friendships by a label, or lack thereof, I knew it was time to let go of the misconceptions and redefine what friendship would look like for me.

Letting go of the labels…

After shedding the extra weight, I realized that true friendships aren’t measured by numbers or labels. I no longer defined myself by the number of friends I had, how long I had been friends with someone, or whether or not I would make it to the Top 8 on their MySpace page. For years, I thought I was searching for a BFF, when in reality, I was seeking a sense of belonging. Once I grasped that I wasn’t going to find my identity or value in a label, I knew I needed to look elsewhere.

Getting comfortable with change…

I used to believe that the best friendships were like bull rides: the longer you held on, the stronger the friendship and the better the bragging rights. While this might be true for some, I’ve come to realize that seasonal friendships can be just as impactful. Instead of clinging to a relationship for as long as I could, I learned to appreciate each person for what they brought to my life for however long they were meant to be there. Even though I might have felt offended when someone decided to move on, I chose not to be offended; instead, remaining grateful for the role they served while remaining open to the new relationships to come.

Going organic…

Without the burden of comparison and expectations, I met new people and let our relationships evolve naturally. I didn’t need a formula to measure the value of my friendships based on how frequently we spoke or saw each other. I was blessed and fortunate to have a community I could rely on, on my terms.

Friendships are not one-size-fits-all; they’re unique and special in their own way. While every friendship is different, they often share similar qualities. If you want to know who your real friends are, look for people with honesty, integrity, and other characteristics that make you feel safe calling them a friend.

In the past, I thought being ‘just a friend’ wasn’t good enough, but now I focus on being the best friend I can be, whether I have a label or not.

While my husband and I were dating, we browsed house plans online and visualized our dream home. We window-shopped beautiful homes and spacious floor plans, envisioning how we would decorate each space. But like most dreamers, we didn’t think about the unimportant details like prices and maintenance. No, we enjoyed delulu land in peace.

Well those that can’t buy, live vicariously through the homebuyers featured on the hit show Fixer Upper. As I watched, I observed how carefully every detail was chosen to transform dilapidated houses into dream homes. Now it wouldn’t be good tv or a true renovation without a few setbacks, but in the end no task was too hard for the beloved Chip and Jo. When an issue arose the design plans were tweaked to accommodate the unexpected expenses and the final reveals were always spectacular.

What I learned while watching Fixer Upper, is that “any job worth doing, is worth doing right.” Nevertheless, this quote doesn’t only apply to home renovations. I consider how often we pay more attention to the “fixtures” in our lives than the foundation. How greater importance is placed on the seen things of the world than the unseen things of the Kingdom. However, we must ask ourselves what will it profit us to gain the whole world at the cost of our souls?1

I would be remiss not to point out the fun and enjoyment of choosing the fixtures, especially in comparison to building the foundation. After all, my favorite part of Fixer Upper was watching the big reveal to see how all the final details came together. Now let me insert the big BUT… no matter how incredible the reveals were, what’s seen is never more important than what’s unseen.2 If we care more about fixtures than foundations, we’ll end up with a beautiful ticking time bomb for a home.

At its core purpose, a house provides shelter and protection. If a house is blown away in a storm, its inhabitants are left endangered to outside hazards. A beautiful home with a weak foundation provides ZERO security. Are we so conformed that we value beauty over security? Fixtures like fame, fortune, and following will all pass away, but only a house built on the foundation of Jesus Christ will remain.3

So what type of foundation have you been building on? Here are two key indications that you’ve been building on a firm foundation:

1. You obey the Word.

It’s impossible to build a firm foundation in disobedience. A true follower of Christ won’t tolerate compromise or sin. A person that despises the Word despises God because He is the Word.4 Therefore, we prove that we truly love God by obeying His commandments.5

2. You store treasures in Heaven.

It’s foolish to place our hope in anything that can be lost or stolen. If you’re seeking the Kingdom first, this means you regard obedience and faithfulness to God over pursuing wealth and worldly influence.6

The world may esteem the things that are seen but as believers — we are called to value that which is unseen. If you’ve realized that you’ve been building on a weak foundation, now is the time to reorient your focus. Are you willing to sacrifice the “fixtures” to build a firm foundation? Or will you settle for earthly treasures and empty promises?

Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father, thank You for helping me see the value in what can’t be seen. May I fix my eyes on You so that I’m not distracted by what’s happening around me. I want to build my house on a firm foundation so that even when storms beat up against it, it will remain standing. Renew my mind so that I’m not conformed to the standards of this world. In Jesus name. Amen.

Since when is the church called to place their hope in horses and chariots?

Since when did the church adopt an attitude that the end justifies the means? 

I’ve seen people divided and stirring up division. I’ve seen people condemned for their political views. I’ve seen people pressured to endorse a specific party, and I’ve seen pulpits used as sounding boards for politics.

Q. Well, we have to preach about what’s relevant right?

A. Wrong! Preaching the gospel is always relevant. Pointing people to Jesus is teaching them how to navigate current events. Jesus will always be the main ingredient for EVERY recipe no matter what’s on the menu. 

Our error as the church isn’t standing for holiness and encouraging believers to vote as citizens of Heaven. Our error isn’t informing people of policies so that they can make educated and informed decisions.

No, our error is taking our eyes off of what’s above and placing them on what’s below. Our error is preaching our views instead of preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. Our error is allowing pride and idolatry to take root in our hearts.

If we as the church focused more on preaching the gospel we would know that it ultimately doesn’t matter what’s legal or illegal to hearts that are surrendered to Christ. Does this mean we should ignore our call to be the salt and light of the earth? Negative! Does this mean we should be indifferent towards the agenda of satan? Of course not! But instead of giving to Caesar what is Caesar’s, we’ve given Caesar what belongs to God too.

How long will we move the goalpost and become surprised when people don’t know the way to victory? How much longer will it take for us to understand that we can’t work our way into God’s rest? When will we realize that our only mission is to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? A truth that hasn’t changed in 2000 years!

So can we embrace unity without uniformity? Can we put down the shears and trust the pruning to the Vinedresser? Can we unclog our ears and close our mouths long enough to hear God speaking through one another? Can we accept that we may disagree on the what as long as we agree on the Who?

Selah.

Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father, forgive us for preaching politics instead of preaching the gospel. We repent for placing our hope in the systems of this world. Cleanse us of all pride and idolatry and help us to walk in humility. Show us how to love and to be at peace with one another. Guide us as we seek Your Kingdom that You may be glorified. We step aside so that Your will may be done. Have mercy on our nation and may your grace be with us in the coming days. In Jesus name. Amen.

In Genesis 40, we find Joseph, a young man wrongfully imprisoned, interpreting the dreams of a cupbearer and baker. After interpreting their dreams, he requests for the cupbearer to remember him and petition Pharaoh to have him released from prison.

Only remember me, when it is well with you, and please do me the kindness to mention me to Pharaoh, and so get me out of this house. – Genesis 40:14 ESV

I imagine the hope that gripped Joseph’s heart at the possibility of being released from prison, and his anticipation as he awaited word from the cupbearer or someone in Pharaoh’s court. Then I picture his disappointment as he faded into the shadows of forgottenness with each passing day of silence. Freedom seemed right within his reach… until it wasn’t.

Yet the chief cupbearer did not remember Joseph, but forgot him. – Genesis 40:22 ESV

One window of hope. Two years of silence…

Joseph received his God dream when he was 17 but he didn’t enter the palace until he was 30 years old. It isn’t known for certain how much time Joseph spent in prison but we do know that he waited two years after interpreting the cupbearer’s dream. So for someone that had been waiting for 11 years by this time, waiting for even one more day would have been agonizing; especially when it seemed like the promise was right within reach. Yet Joseph would wait two more years.

I don’t have to strain to imagine how Joseph may have felt. Being forgotten by the people around us is painful, but what do we do when it seems that God has forgotten us too? When our circumstances remain unchanged day after day, or even year after year, we discover a paper-thin line between waiting and being forgotten. Yet there is a profound difference between feeling forgotten and actually being forgotten.

But God remembered Noah and all the beasts and all the livestock that were with him in the ark. And God made a wind blow over the earth, and the waters subsided. - Genesis 8:1 ESV

Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb. - Genesis 30:22 ESV

And God heard their groaning, and God remembered His covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. - Exodus 2:24 ESV

They rose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD; then they went back to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her. - 1 Samuel 1:19 ESV

God doesn’t lose track of time or fall asleep on the throne, so if He doesn’t forget how can He remember? Consider it a laying out of the red carpet. When God remembered Noah, He dried up the land after the flood. When He remembered the Israelites, He delivered them from the hands of the Egyptians. When He remembered Rachel and Hannah, He opened their wombs. In other words, when the appointed time arrives for God to show up and show out - He remembers.

Therefore, the cupbearer’s forgetfulness had less to do with his oversight and more to do with God’s sovereign plan and timing. Joseph wasn’t released from prison just for freedom’s sake, there was a purpose attached to his release that became realized once he interpreted Pharaoh’s dream. Until the pivotal moment that Joseph was brought before Pharaoh he remained locked away in prison seemingly forgotten.

But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison. - Genesis 39:21 ESV

On the surface it may have looked like Joseph was wasting away in prison, but even there he was on assignment. God grants Joseph favor with the prison warden to the point that the warden places Joseph in charge of everything and everyone in the prison. Although Joseph was in prison “waiting for the promise,” he was walking in purpose the entire time. So before we devalue our waiting season, let’s remember that purpose is attached to every step taken in faithful obedience to God.

If you find yourself waiting long then you’re in good company. Like Joseph, maybe you’ve asked only to be met with a deafening silence. Yet I’m reminded that God’s silence doesn’t mean His absence. Just as He was with Joseph in the pit, Potiphar’s house, prison, and the palace - He’s also with us in every season. Nevertheless, that doesn’t make the weight of waiting any less heavy. So what should we do if we’re experiencing waiting room fatigue? Take a simple remedy of remembering…

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. - Psalm 77:11 ESV

I remember your name in the night, O Lord, and keep your law. - Psalm 119:5 ESV

Then take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. - Deuteronomy 6:12 ESV

Remembering that God never abandons or forsakes His children soothes the wounds of forgottenness. Remembering who He is and what He’s already done sustains our hope amidst hopelessness. Remembering that He’s always working on our behalf strengthens us to keep going when we’re weary.

Lastly, a key truth to remember in our waiting is that waiting is good!

Now I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, waiting sucks, but when I look up my perspective is changed. For example, God could have created the entire universe in one day but He didn’t. Jesus could have started His ministry earlier than He did but He knew that His time had not yet come. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that “there is a time for every matter [activity] under heaven.” If God established time and set everything for a time then no matter how it may feel or seem to me - it is good.

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. - Isaiah 40:31 ESV

The Hebrew word for wait, qavah, means to bind together, tarry, wait eagerly, or to look upon. Qavah is related to another Hebrew word, qav, which means cord. So by replacing the terms in the verse we get, “they who bind themselves to the Lord shall renew their strength.”

Clearly the waiting that Isaiah is referring to isn’t the same waiting we do in a fast food line. When I picture a person being bound, the cord is tied tightly enough that they’re unable to get loose. But even if someone agreed to be bound, any moving, twisting, or wiggling would loosen the strength of the cord. So if a qav begins to loosen, what is there to tighten it?

Qavah for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; qavah for the LORD! - Psalm 27:14 ESV

I qavah for the LORD, my soul qavah, and in His word I hope. - Psalm 130:5 ESV

I qavah patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry. - Psalm 40:1 ESV

Waiting is active. It isn’t comprised of idly watching the time pass or withdrawing into seclusion. Waiting is intentional. It’s an act of binding ourselves to God which secures us to everything we need. (Matthew 6:33) Waiting is more than anticipating what lies ahead, it’s clinging to the One that is always near.

I know the dissatisfaction of attaching myself to an imperfect peace, conditional love, disappointing hope, incomplete joy, and weak strength; until I placed my eyes on the One that is peace, love, hope, joy, and strength. Likewise, if you’ve been looking for satisfaction in all the wrong places, look up! If your eyes are fixed on the storm around you, look up! If you’re feeling weary in the waiting room or forgotten in the silence, look up! Fix your eyes and your qav to the One that IS everything you’ll ever need.

Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father, thank You for being the Source for everything that I need. Help me to find complete satisfaction in You alone. When I feel forgotten, help me to remember that my feelings don’t dictate how you feel about me. May I turn to You for strength and comfort when I’m weary. Help me bind myself to You so that I may wait well in every season. In Jesus name. Amen.

Keep Gleaning…

As followers of Christ, we are called to follow His example. We must be willing to lay our lives down for His sake. A half-surrendered heart is not enough. Living a life of compromise will not suffice. If we’re not willing to lay down our entire lives, can we truly say we’ve died and been born again?

Are we falling victim to “God knows my heart,” and “only God can judge me,” to remain lukewarm? Are we using our resistant flesh as an excuse to indulge the desires of the flesh? Yes, our flesh is corrupted and afflicted, and it always will be on this side of eternity. But until we receive our new immortal bodies in Heaven, we must give our flesh the fight it’s asking for. (1 Cor. 10:13, 2 Cor. 5:1-10)

Although we’re not exempt from experiencing the weaknesses and temptations of our flesh, we’re not alone! Jesus knows firsthand what we’re going through and He’s interceding on our behalf at the right hand of the Father.

Will you surrender your will for His will? Will you lay down your dreams, relationships, career, and any and everything else? Will you say no to a life of compromise and yes to total surrender?

The God we serve is the same today as He was thousands of years ago. A blemished sacrifice does not please Him. Are we taking advantage of the free gift of grace to live in compromise? As the saying goes, “when the cat’s away, the mice will play.” Are we playing when we should be readying ourselves for Christ’s return?

The altar isn’t pretty or pleasant, but once sin entered the world, something had to die: first animals and then Jesus, and now it’s our turn.

Reflection: Romans 6-8

On August 9th 2019, I sent this letter to my future self. It was during a time when I was seeking direction in various areas of my life and was tired of the disappointment of unmet expectations. I had no idea where my future was headed and was feeling both mentally and emotionally drained.

In hind sight, five years isn’t nearly as much time as it seemed, but since then, life looks pretty similar on the surface. I won’t label this mini-experiment a disappointing failure because one thing did change, the tide turned…

“Jesus is the direction.”

That was the nugget of wisdom (paraphrased) that another young woman shared with me. For yearsss, I prayed for direction, wisdom, and clarity. I didn’t just want to know where I was going, I needed to know, and that “need” was like static interfering with my GPS: God’s Positioning System. I didn’t realize that “a heart pointed in God’s direction,” meant that I was exactly where I needed to be.

It took me a little while to accept that I didn’t need all the answers because I already had THE answer; but only then was I truly able to say “Jesus take the wheel.” (Although this is a popular phrase, let me remind you that Jesus will not take the wheel by force, we must surrender the will willingly.)

“Yet not my will, but yours be done.”

I spent years seeking my will and determining how a new year would go based on my expectations. Oh the disillusionment when yet another year went by looking nothing like I ‘declared and decreed’ that it would.

Something had to give, and if you guessed that it was me, ding ding ding, winner, winner, chicken dinner! It was like getting my hand smacked every time I realized that not only was I running ahead of God, I wasn’t even going in the right direction. For example, I made plans that never happened or started working on things that I would have to abandon. I was frustrated with God like He was the problem only to find out I was the culprit all along.

Fortunately, I no longer subscribe to New Year’s Resolutions or 5 Year Plans. Before you suffer a shock, I don’t think planning is wrong. On the contrary, we are called to seek wise counsel and count the costs before making a decision. The issue isn’t the planning itself but what we do before and after our plans are set.

If we’re not careful, we will begin to rely on our own expectations, understanding, or plans instead of seeking God first, which can only mean disaster or disappointment on the other end. Ask Abraham and Sarah! (Reflect: Genesis 16, Proverbs 14:12, 16:3, 19:21)

If there’s anything else I’ve learned, it’s that “what God has for me, is for me” is not unconditional. Before we can have confidence that God’s plans will be established in our lives, we must consider the following questions:

1. Where am I going?

We won’t miss God’s will when we’re in His presence! No matter the circumstances, I now have complete assurance that I’m headed in the right direction when my heart’s compass is pointed toward Jesus.

2. What am I doing?

Faith without works is dead. (James 2:26) In other words, I can’t receive a harvest from a ground I haven’t sown in. A hard wake up call was realizing that no matter how much God wants His will for me, He won’t overrule my free will to give it to me. If I’m not walking in total submission to His will, I can’t expect to receive His promises.

3. Who am I becoming?

Now that I’m standing five years on the other side, I know that time is an ally and not an enemy. God delights in me as His daughter and giving me good gifts, but as much as He cares about keeping His promises, He also cares about how I steward them. I recall Abraham and how the man that received the promise wasn’t the same man that received what was promised; and even after receiving the promise, God tested Abraham to make sure the promise didn’t have him.

In 2019, I was anxious and preoccupied with where I was going and when I was going to get there. Skip ahead five years and I know that it doesn’t matter where I’m going as long as I know who’s going before me. A great sense of peace took over once I stopped striving for a future that was already established before I was formed in my mother’s womb.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10 NIV

My Father prepares the work, completes it, and gets all the glory. The only thing I must do is show up with a yes in my heart and on my tongue. There may be times when my yes isn’t given as easily or cheerfully, or is even uttered through tears, but YES anyway!

So if you ask me what’s changed in five years? I have!

I no longer measure my life by milestones or the number of accomplishments I can cram in a year. I’ve finally embraced the beauty of living in the moment and enjoying the gift of the present. I’m not anxious about where I’ll be a year from now or five years from now, and most importantly, I’m not comparing my race to anyone else’s.

As for children, finances, career, and anything else that may concern me in the years to come… I’ll just focus on doing my part and trust God to do His.

My hope for you is that you’ll do the same.

But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. - Matthew 6:33 BSB

No matter what it may be, we’re all waiting for something. As we wait, each passing moment chips away at the confidence we have in receiving what we’re waiting for. In these moments, we must turn back to the source of our hope. (Psalm 39:7) But this can be difficult to achieve if we’ve placed our hope outside of Christ.

I remember when and where I misplaced my hope. I was holding my desire so tightly that my hands couldn’t take hold of anything else. My mind couldn’t hold anything else. I woke up thinking about it, went to bed thinking about it, talked about it, prayed about it, daydreamed about it, longed for it, hoped for it, and shed tears for it. It stole more than it gave and I didn’t think I would ever be free of its hold.

I didn’t realize how much of an idol “it” had become until basically reaching the peak of the valley. I felt overlooked, forgotten, and bitter towards God. The only way out of this pit that I could fathom was trading my empty heart for full hands. But God wasn’t having any of that, 🤷‍♀️ so I needed to confront this idol head on.

For most of us, on the other side of our waiting lies a hope that our hands will hold what we’re waiting for. (Preferably sooner than later but we’ll settle for later than not at all.) But how do we prepare for the possibility of not receiving what we’re hoping for?

In 2020 I was faced with an alternative that I hadn’t considered up to that point; not getting what I wanted. (Who would have guessed that?) As if I were trying to catch air, my dream evaded capture leaving only empty hands.

I responded in typical Mac At It Again fashion, processing this new revelation by confronting it with truth and looking at the bible side of things. But I couldn’t rush past the semi-shock and disappointment. I needed to take it all in and allow the process to run its course.

Navigating unanswered prayers is as defining as it is challenging. Whether you’re coming to terms with an answer you weren’t expecting, or waiting for an answer you’ve yet to receive, trusting God in the waiting room requires total assurance of His goodness no matter the outcome.

Fortunately, a not so turned out to be a not yet, which meant my waiting season wasn’t over. I hadn’t received what I was waiting for but I ended up getting something else in return… an open hand.

As I loosened the grip on my desire, it was all I needed to break free from its chains. The work wasn’t complete but it had begun. My hand was opening up again, and as more time passed, the more open it became.

With an open hand I took hold of what I shouldn’t have let go in the first place. The hand that provides all that I need. The hand that will never abandon nor forsake me. The hand that holds the whole world. The hand that lovingly holds mine.

When I think of how much time has passed I no longer see empty hands. I may not be done waiting, and although my circumstances haven’t changed yet, I’ve changed a WHOLE lot. My hope is restored, my faith is strong, and my heart is full.

If you’re walking through a not yet, place your hope in the One that won’t disappoint. If you’re navigating the pain and disappointment of an unexpected no, seek comfort in the One that is near to the brokenhearted. If you’ve been blessed with the yes you’ve been praying for, enjoy it in all fullness thanking the One that is worthy of all praise.

It’s not easy to run during disappointment or seasons of long suffering, but in times of weariness we can lean on our Father for strength.

No matter what you’re waiting for or how long you’ve been waiting, know that the waiting room isn’t punishment and that time is an ally not an enemy. Release your misplaced hope and hold on to the Father’s unchanging hand.

Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father, thank You for the great plans that you have for me, to give me a hope and a future. Comfort my heart and give me strength and peace that surpasses all understanding. Help me to wait well and to walk by faith, not by sight. Cover me and keep me in every season and restore my hope when all seems lost.

In Jesus name. Amen!

Going Back

When I started writing in 2015, I would have expected to be “further along” than I am right now. With my faith as the foundation, I started writing to encourage others, but that wasn’t my only motivation. Looking back, I see that my personal ambitions were always there, I just didn’t anticipate how much of a distraction they would eventually become.

The expectations of where my writing would take me overshadowed everything until it became my top priority. I shifted my focus from blogging to creating content on social media, before shutting everything down in 2021.

I didn’t understand then, but now I know how much I needed to go back…

To where it all started
To why it all started…

Going back isn’t something I aimed to do, but I understand that there are times when it’s the only way forward. In my case, backtracking was a consequence of rushing ahead and getting distracted along the way, but it also helped me to recenter, refocus, and resume with clarity. I didn’t realize that my long but temporary hiatus was a chance to rid myself of the grime and reveal the core. Only then was I able to:

↺ Recenter my motivation
↺ Refocus and reprioritize
↺ Resume the task at hand

So here I am, at it again, but without the extra baggage. I’m saying no to personal ambitions and agendas; and if they do try to rear their pesky little heads, I’ll recenter (the why), refocus (the what), and resume (the how). Consider this a remixed version of relax, relate, and release. Iykyk. lol However, this isn’t to say that I’m opposed to having goals or ambitions, I’m simply choosing not to be consumed by them.

In case you didn’t know… 😉

Moving Forward

I spent most of the past decade doing more posting than writing because I thought I needed to build a platform instead of being the platform. I became more focused on becoming my gifts instead of using them because I thought I needed a stage to shine, until I realized that the stage wasn’t my source…

The light I carry within shines on its own, but it’s not my own. No, this light comes directly from the Son, and because it wasn’t given to me by a stage, a stage, platform, or following, or lack thereof, can take it away. I’m confident now more than ever that I don’t need a spotlight to be a light. I’m back and shining for His glory alone!

Recently, my perspective evolved regarding the connection between my purpose and profession, and I shared a bit of that revelation in a social media post...

I’ve been in a much-needed redefining season for the past 2 years. Since age 19, I’ve defined myself and my “purpose” with writing and speaking. Eventually, it became difficult to connect my purpose to my current profession. 

For years I struggled with standing still and trusting where God placed me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t where I needed to be or doing what I was called to do. Yet I knew I wasn’t supposed to jump ship. I also couldn’t figure out how these two opposite paths (purpose vs profession) would collide. 🤔 Insert the confusion, discouragement, and frustration at my dilemma.

I no longer knew how I was to identify myself.

Then, a few years ago, I realized that there weren’t two separate paths.

There was only one…

Now let's pick up where I left off.

I began my career in the mortgage industry in 2013, initially expecting it to be a temporary rest stop on the way to my purpose. That’s until I found myself five years into the rest stop wondering how I was going to get from here to there.

Cue stare off with God.

My 5-year work anniversary dinged the bell for the wrestling match of all time: Passion vs Profession, and it was looking to be quite the event. I was trying to map out how my corporate job would transform into full-time writing and speaking, but the math just wasn't mathing. (Insert eye roll). It was looking like I needed to get comfortable.

So much for a rest stop right?

I found myself stuck between where I was and where I thought I needed to be. It was as if there were two separate paths and I was on the wrong one. Even though it felt like the only solution was to abandon my profession in pursuit of my passion, I knew this wasn't the answer.

After weeks of wrestling, reflection, and convos with my husband, I realized that there weren’t two separate paths and that I simply needed to trust the journey. Through this realization, the Lord assured me that I didn't have to fear missing out on His plan for my life. I could trust that He had me right where He wanted me to be and would lead me where He wanted me to go. (Psalm 37:23)

The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him. - Psalm 37:23

But is it ever really that simple?

Short answer... nah.

Despite that major revelation, change didn't happen overnight or the next few nights. I enrolled back in college in 2020, still bouncing back and forth between trusting God and leaning on my own understanding. A few semesters later, I felt like the Lord nudged me to study accounting.

Accounting???

This new direction only heightened the drama. I found myself trying to fathom what a future in accounting meant for me.

Is this what I'm supposed to do?

Is this who I'm called to be?

Then I received the breakthrough I desperately needed. The Holy Spirit revealed that the root of my struggles were due to an identity crisis. Because I was defining my identity by my passions and profession, I was confining myself [and God] to a box of my own creation. I had been shaping my life and plans around the identity I was creating for myself, instead of embracing my identity as a child of God.

A child of God isn't defined by their profession, nor are they restricted to other’s expectations of where their gifts or passions should lead them.

Today, version 31 would tell version 19 that her life’s purpose is to love God and her neighbor. I would encourage her to serve the Lord no matter her present location or vocation. For some razzle dazzle, I’d remind her that what she does is not who she is. And if you hadn’t guessed, I’m saying the exact same thing to the person reading this today!

Instead of framing your life around your gifts, talents, experiences, or career, joyfully serve the Lord no matter where you are or what you’re doing. You don’t need a specific opportunity or calling to walk in His purpose.

His purpose greets you every morning, on every job, in every role, and in every season. Walking in His purpose means laying aside your will so that His will may be done. Even if your circumstances are not what you expected, rest assured that as you delight in the Father you can also delight in His plan.

Reflect

How do you define your purpose and why?

How can you serve the Lord where you are today?

Let's Pray

Heavenly Father, thank You for helping me understand that my identity is not tied to what I do or what I've accomplished. Open my eyes to see Your hand at work in every season of my life. May I find joy in the difficult and purpose in the mundane. Help me to delight in Your presence as I journey on the path you have taken me. In Jesus' name. Amen.